...as we enjoy great advantages from the inventions of others,
we should be glad of an opportunity to serve others by any invention of ours;
and this we should do so Freely and Generously

As promised, here are the Top 5 worst ideas in the 2008 Summer Sky Mall Catalogue.  Welcome to an odyssey of suck.  These are just the 5 Worst Ideas, several more articles could be written just on misleading or incorrectly advertised products.

#5: Indoor Dog Restroom 74967G

Maker: Hammacher Schlemmer

Why its terrible: My god.  Dogs are not cats.  Not only does this encourage dogs to take care of themselves indoors but it is also geared toward those too lazy to walk their dogs and take care of business.  All around, this is a shit storm waiting to happen.

Why you would consider buying this Small dog, who is already very trainable.

#4: Lawn Aerator Sandals 126896G

Maker: Improvements

Why its terrible: Do you have a lawn?  Unless you live in New York and have a 5 foot cube of grass, this is a stupid idea.  Just pay someone to run their aerator over your lawn every two years.

Why you would buy this: If you have a tiny lawn, and feel you really need to aerate, maybe this could make sense.  Still retarded.

#3: Aculife Therapist Deluxe TH366G

Maker: Gadget Universe

Why its terrible: Sky Mall is full of eastern medicine bullshit.  Im not an acupuncturist but I’m going to go a head and say that this is complete blasphemy.

Why you would buy this: You have an agent, you have too much money or you like inflicting pain on your hand.

#2: World Phone 49MOBALPHONEG

Maker: Mobal Communications

Why its terrible: This looks like a terrible phone.  For 50 dollars, I can get a first gen, world capable BlackBerry that will work in the states as a back up phone, in case my primary bites the dust.  This phone?  I got to pay $50 more for something that will work on our GSM network.  Intolerable.

Why you would buy this: If you have no clue and are under extreme pressure to travel internationally.  Never mind, there is no reason to buy this piece of shit.

#1: ACM Credit Card Wallet ACM104G

Maker: ACM Wallet

Why its terrible: This is a classic of the Sky Mall.  Why would anyone who has money need ANOTHER wallet to keep just their credit cards.  Either you have too many credit cards or you like shooting your card at the garcon.

Why you would buy this: None.  Cancel half of your CCs and get yourself a real wallet.  No one likes a credit card shooting dork.

Sky Mall: A bastion of innovation or get rich quick minor leagues?  Lets take a look.  Here are my Top 5 Best Ideas in the Summer 2008 catalogue (available on all of your NWA domestic flights).  if you want to take a look at the actual item in question, go to the Sky Mall Search and enter the produce number.

#5: Extra Plush EZ Beds 22684G

Maker: Front Gate

Why its awesome: This is a great innovation on a very old concept: The airbed.  Most airbeds are both inconvenient and uncomfortable.  Historically, only the "compact" feature has been mastered.  The EZ Bed has it all:  Comes in a easy transport case.  Built in compressor for both inflating and deflating the mattress.  Elevated.  This product has everything you could want in an airbed.

What could make it better:  Not much.  Weight is a concern, which is not listed in the ad.  Plus, its probably a single chamber air mattress, which means its done if there is a leak.

#4: Table Top Photo Studio 73033G

Maker: Hammacher Schlemmer

Why its awesome: This is a classic invention of the times.  Lots of Ebay’ers will buy this, even if its just a couple lights, screen, and crappy tripod.  Just put together a package of complimentary goods and the added convenience will sell it self to the target market.

What could make it better: Offer a full sized version as well as the table-top sized.  This will give you a higher margin product for the smaller market selling large items.  Sell this on Ebay instead of Sky Mall.  Its not a gift, but something an amateur Ebay’er buys himself.

#3: The 150-Country Travel Adapter 73365G

Maker: Hammacher Schlemmer

Why its awesome: Compact universal adapter for your AC devices with built in surge suppressor and a USB plug for charging your camera, Blackberry, or PDA?  Holy smokes.  This product is just about adding everything you could possibly need to charge your devices while traveling internationally.  This is something I’d buy and recommend to others if they are planning to travel.

What could make it better: I have no idea.  Maybe a AA battery charger? Also, if this covers 150 countries, what do the other 60 odd countries use?

#2: Edge Baking Pan 81606G

Maker: Solutions

Why its awesome: If you love the edge pieces of brownies, than this is essential.  Not only does it add 3-edge pieces to your pan of brownies, but no other piece has less than 2-edges.  Pure awesome.

What could make it better:  Nothing, if you are a brownie edge lover and fancy creating a pan of brownies here and there, this is a must buy.  Great gift for mom or anyone else who makes you brownies.

#1: MoGo Mouse N105-2002G

Maker: TigerDirect & CompUSA

Why its awesome: This is a mouse and presentation clicker that slides into your PCMCIA port for safe keeping and charging.  Great duel use, definitely a need to be filled for any mobile warrior.  Great product idea.

What could make it better:  I’ve never tried one.  My guess is that this is a great presentation clicker and a terrible mouse.  The external Bluetooth USB adapter is lame.  If my laptop needed the adapter (ie no built in Bluetooth) I wouldn’t buy this product.

So that’s the best of the best in the Sky Mall catalogue.  Check in later this week for the Top 5 worst.  Thats when it gets fun…

Invention: Governmental Liquidity Taker

Type: Organizational Convention

Summary: The trillion dollar hedge fund industry is moving towards systematic trading, predominately focused on short-term, high frequency trading strategies known as “statistical arbitrage.”  The only good that these firms provide is liquidity and efficiency to electronic markets, which is an atleast 10s-of-billion dollar industry if not higher.  These services should be provided by a 1st or 2nd party governmental entity.

Explanation: In order to provide liquidity and efficiency to the markets while refocusing financial markets on investing in commercial interests and not taking advantage of market discrepencies the government should take two steps.  One) A goverment liquidity taker, run by the federal reserve, should be created.  This firm will establish zero-risk, high frequency trading strategies both providing liquidity and efficiency while taking the alpha generated by the strategies and putting it back in the fed to either be retained or re-issued.  Two) The government should move to put limits on holding periods so that other firms can not compete in the high frequency trading space.  As little as a few second holding period should suffice in giving the governmental entity enough of an advantage such that only legitimate trading activity will be profitable.

Utility: The markets remain liquid and efficient while arbitrage generated funds are returned to the federal reserve for re-issueance or for building up the strength of the dollar benefiting the US financial system on the hold.

New rumors are spinning that Apple will announce that it will finally have a full tablet product released within the year.  This is good news for those looking for a truly ultra-portable device with all of the functions of home.

Here are the Top Ten things I would want included in any new ultra-portable:

1) True Keyboard: It doesn’t look like it from the picture above (which we assume was just a blogger’s mock-up), but I’d like to see a full keyboard.  I’m thinking a normal clamshell style laptop with a keyboard and screen where the keyboard can completely flip around and close on the back of the device.  Making it a tablet as well as have the tactile sense needed for any kind of writing or blogging on the road.

2) Built in GSM/UDMA Support: The device shouldn’t need to be connected to a cellular network, but I’d like the option to use the cellular data network via a sim-card slot without the need for an external card or connecting another device.  This should come pre-unlocked and I’d hope that companies like AT&T and T-Mobile would sell off-the-shelf pay as you go data sim cards.

3) Multiple Smart Card Slots: I currently use the Asus EEE PC, and its 1-card slot is not enough.  Most likely the Apple Tablet will have limited hard drive space (due to the cost and manufacturing limitations of solid state disks).  With increasing size and decreasing costs of SD cards, having multiple slots will make upgrading a lot easier.

4) Ambient Light Friendly Screen: Most laptops are still not designed for the outdoors.  For a truly portable device, it will have to have a screen designed to be used in any light environment, a la the current IPhone.

5) Weight: I don’t think Ill ever buy another laptop that weighs more than 3 pounds, with a strong preference for anything sub-2lbs.  An ultra-portable needs to feel dense and well built but it cannot be heavy.

6) Easy Docking: While I’m sure Apple will come up with some exciting ways to use their tablet without the normal user interfacing methods, sometimes nothing beats hooking up to a full monitor, keyboard and mouse setup.  This should be down easily, with a docking accessory with HDMI/VGA, ample USB, Gigabit Ethernet and recharging abilities.

7) Battery Life and Easy Recharging: The biggest obstacle with ultra-portables is the battery life.  The Apple Ultra-portable needs to be able to last with all functions running, for over 4 hours, with low-function runtime in the 10-hour range.  As for recharging: a built in plug would be a tough feature to add, but greatly appreciated.  Otherwise: Having a USB style charger, something that can plug into any other computer easily and with no installation in order to charge the battery would be welcomed.  Also, unlike the MacBook Air or IPhone, the battery should be easily changed or an external battery easily added.

8) Ethernet: The MacBook Air doesn’t have an Ethernet port, just an Airport.  This is really unacceptable.  While more often than not wireless will be available somewhere close, in business and travel settings I wouldn’t want to bring a ultra-portable anywhere unless I knew it would be able to connect to a network.

9) General Guts: The guts of a good tablet should be: 9-12inch touch display with 1024×680 resolution, 2+ gigs of ram, 20gig solid state disk, Intel Core-Solo level CPU, external display port, 2+ USB ports, and mic/headphones ports.

10) Cost: Cost is a tough one.  For a fully functional tablet with everything listed above, I might pay over $1000.  But with EEE PCs and similar computers coming on to the market for sub-$500 prices, its tough to justify much more than that especially considering that ultra-portables will most likely wear a lot faster than traditional laptops.

That just about sums it up.  Tablet PCs have been around for about 5 years now, and there really isn’t a whole lot to be excited about, yet.  Apple, or another competitor, could really change this, and if they do, I’ll be one of the first standing in line.